Overcome That Loneliness

Overcoming loneliness can be a big problem for many people but often they can hide it so well you would have no idea they were lonely unless they told you. One of my Aussie friends who also lives in Bangkok was telling me over lunch last weekend how he is so lonely at the moment he is thinking about closing his very successful business and returning to Australia. It got me thinking about the concept of overcoming loneliness and I started to wonder what it is that brings on feelings of loneliness and why is it that people spend years being lonely while others rarely feel lonely. I think everyone at some stage in their life has gone through periods of dealing with loneliness so I decided to write an article about overcoming loneliness as it can really be a debilitating problem if not dealt with.

Although you may be around numerous people almost all day everyday overcoming loneliness can still be a miserable part of your life. When you are around a lot of other people who you may work with or go to school with but are not necessarily friends with, loneliness feels even worse. Why I think loneliness is worse when many other people are around you is because all those other people serve to enforce a fear in you that nobody cares about you. You see these people everyday and you probably have to interact with some of them but they do not even know the real you. You end up getting the feeling that most people although generally friendly are quite impersonal. This forces you into wanting to get away from this impersonal place as soon as the work or school day is over and retreat to your own safety zone like your home but sadly you usually get back to your thoughts about how to overcome loneliness.

After you arrive home you initially feel good to be away from all those people but then a horrible sense of loneliness sets in and then fear takes its grip on you. You may not even be a fearful person but the longer you let yourself suffer with your issues of how to overcome loneliness the more you have to be fearful of. Let me give you an example. You are cruising through life, having fun, socializing, you have a cool girlfriend or boyfriend and then suddenly your life is turned upside down when you lose your job. Soon after your girlfriend leaves and then you are alone. It does not take you long to find another job and suddenly you are surrounded by people again but you just do not seem to connect with any of your new work associates and your old work friends are too busy to spend time with you as you are both so busy with work and life. You may even go on a few dates but do not manage to hook up with anyone compatible and over a period of months you start spending more and more time at home and less time around friends or socializing. All of a sudden you realize you are lonely and the more you think about it the more the problem of overcoming loneliness grips your entire life and the more lonely you feel. After a while you begin to live on autopilot, you go to work or school but the rest of the time you are alone. Without even being aware of it you are suddenly waste deep in fear. You fear being alone, you fear going out to find a new partner as you just do not have the confidence you once had in yourself and you are fearful of other people since you have come to believe most people only care about themselves and are generally impersonal. Suddenly you actually give up on the idea of overcoming loneliness and you begin to accept it as just part of your life. You did not always feel this way but after an extended period of loneliness you do now and you cannot see it getting any better. So what has ultimately happened is, your fear has pushed away everyone in your life and as you remain in fear you remain in a state of loneliness.

This is just an example of one way loneliness can set in without you being completely conscious of what is happening before it is too late. One minute you are on top of the world and the next minute you are trapped in the void of dealing with loneliness. It can happen to literally anyone from all walks of life, from the young to the old or from the poorest to the richest. So who can help you? Well, you can certainly help yourself and turn things around by taking action.

Once you are fully aware of your loneliness and you want to improve your situation this is the perfect time to look at who you are, where you are in life and where do you want to be. The answers to these questions might be able to not only guide you towards overcoming loneliness but steer you in a more desirable life direction.

By looking at who you are you need to ask yourself what is making you feel lonely. Are you afraid of rejection and this is why you spend all your time alone. If so, this is a fear that needs to be tackled head on. Facing this fear is the only way you will overcome loneliness. There are numerous ways you can meet new people without having to go to bars or clubs which are not ideal places to meet partners or friends. Joining groups of like minded people is a real winner and even more fun if you can take a friend who shares your interests. Like minded people get on with others who like what they like, it is that simple and suddenly you might find that overcoming your loneliness is a thing of the past.

Where do you see yourself in life? Do you feel like you should be more successful? If so, you need to make a plan to work on that area of your life but don’t make the mistake of thinking you are not good enough or successful enough to make new friends or find a new partner. Most genuine people do not really care about the superficial things as much as they care about the real you. Overcoming loneliness requires you to be proactive. Be honest about yourself and where you are and have a concrete plan of where you are headed. Even if you are not there yet, people love to spend their time around people who know what they want and a new partner or friend might love to jump on board your motorway to succes and in turn help you to overcome loneliness.

Once you take a long hard look at who you are and where you are in life you might find that you feel lonely because you do not have a partner. At this point you need to access why you need a partner. Some people feel they need someone else in their life to feel complete, others are so tied up with partners they wish they were alone. You need to put things in perspective before you can make the right choices. Sometimes effectively overcoming loneliness requires another solution than just finding a partner. If you feel you need a partner to make you happy, then you need to ask yourself what a partner can do for you that you cannot do for yourself. I am not saying you do not need a partner, it is great having a partner, but you need to figure out what role that partner will take in your life. You want a partner for the right reasons and the right reason is not to be dependent on someone else because that can only lead to pain. You want a partner as a companion not as a security blanket.

Overcoming loneliness my involve taking some risks. You may have been emotionally hurt before and scared to take that risk again but the longer you fight it the harder it will be to get back. It is definitely worth taking a risk, a safe secure life alone will never be rewarding. The same thing goes for people who care too much about what others think or expect. If this is your fear you will never be free until you break those invisible chains imposed by the opinions of others. Forget about what other people think and live your life on your terms not theirs. The only people you ever need concern yourself with are not the ones who are judging you. People who judge are ultimately so insecure they are really only judging themselves.

You can overcome loneliness by taking action and you can take action on a number of levels. If you are not overly confident it is best to take small steps towards meeting people. Meeting through friends is usually one of the safest and easiest ways to meet new friends and potential partners. By joining groups, clubs or learning programs you can selectively choose to meet the types of people that like what you like and you may be surprised when you find what you have been looking for. In this infinite universe of energy, like is attracted to like, it is a scientific fact.

Source: http://www.universeofsuccess.com/overcoming-loneliness.html

Errol Clarke
You Felt Alone,
And Felt So Down
Until Today
When You Hit The Ground
Our Hearts Just Dropped
And Forced To Frown
What Are We Gonna Do?
Now That You Arent Around?
Memories Keep You
Tied To Us
But Some Too Painful
And Some Too Rough
But Now We Can't Just
Act Tough
How Are We Suppose to forget you
and all the things that we went through