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Monday, August 9, 2010
How To Love Again...
Once your heart has been broken, it can be very difficult to love again. Some people never move past a broken heart. However, you can learn to love again, even after being emotionally wounded by a failed relationship or a lost love. To deprive yourself of love is to miss out on one of life’s biggest blessings. Here is how to love again.
- Step 1
Grieve your losses. Before you will be ready to love again, you need to heal the pain that your lost love has inflicted. Whether you lost your love through a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, your lost love left emotional wounds. Grieve your losses so you will free yourself to love again.
- Step 2
Recognize the need to love again. Loving others is one of the most basic needs of human existence. Without love, life is meaningless. While you might need to take some time to lick your emotional wounds, closing off your heart to love will make your life seem empty.
- Step 3
Decide that loving again is worth the risk. While you are still in the grieving process, your heart might feel too fragile to take the risk of loving again. However, as you grieve your loss and become more emotionally healthy, you will move toward being ready to open up your heart again.
- Step 4
Love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more likely you are to attract a person who is emotionally healthy. If you go out looking for love to fill a hole in your heart, then you are much more likely to attract someone who wants to take advantage of you. However, if you come from the perspective of having lots of love to give, then you will attract a similar person.
- Step 5
Think about what you want in a new relationship. Set a standard for what you are seeking in a new relationship. Make it a point to progress in this relationship, and don't fall into old patterns just because they are comfortable.
- Step 6
Let the love come to you. Don’t go out looking for “Mr. Right” in places where singles congregate. Instead, get involved in activities which you enjoy that bring you into contact with people who have the same interests. Whether you do this through a church, a bowling league or a city tennis club, get involved in your community in a positive manner.
- Step 7
Ease into a new relationship slowly. Do not try to replace the lost relationship. Instead, allow a new one to grow and blossom in its own way
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
EVEN GOD GAVE UP
A completion manager walking along a California beach was deep in
prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord
said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will
grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the
bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it,
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little
more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and
glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that
I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are
thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean
when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Is Love at First Sight a Real Thing?
The Debate Over Love at First Sight
By Holly Ashworth, About.com Guide
Listen to enough pop songs and watch enough romantic movies, and you're bound to start believing that love at first sight happens all the time. But does it exist in the real world, between real people?Like so much about love, the question of love at first sight can't be answered objectively. But I'll do my best to answer it here in the most helpful way.
Is Your Mind Playing Tricks on You?
Have you ever seen someone and instantly felt attracted to every part of them, including their personality (even though you haven't even talked to them yet)? You might be quick to call it love at first sight, but it's probably what psychologists call the attractiveness halo effect. When you see someone who looks great, your brain sometimes jumps to the conclusion that their personality must be great, too.
We all know that not everyone's looks and personalities match up. Some attractive people are total jerks, and some of the best people in the world aren't what you'd necessarily think of as hot. So the halo effect is really just an illusion. Your sudden feelings of love might go away as soon as you get to know the person better.
Love: More than Just Looks
Everyone's got a different take on what love is, but few people believe that's made out of stuff you can find just by looking at someone. Love (at least if you ask me) is made up of compromise, empathy and patience. You can't give or get those sorts of things at first sight.
That doesn't mean that your initial feelings can't turn into love. When you first see someone, you might instantly know that you want to get close to them and learn about them. As your relationship progresses, those feelings might eventually grow into love. But is "love" really the word for your gut reaction? Not unless your definition of love is kinda superficial.
When Couples "Just Know"
You might meet couples who say that when they saw each other for the first time, they "just knew." What did they really know? Probably that they liked how the other person looked and acted, and that they wanted to take things to the next step and get to know each other better.
If they want to call it "love at first sight," that's okay by me. But keep in mind that there are lots of other couples who get the same feeling when they meet each other, and it ends badly or doesn't go anywhere at all. It's not the first glance that makes it love. It's the stuff that comes later - the commitment and caring that makes a relationship last.
The Danger of Believing Too Strongly in Love at First Sight
You might be wondering why I'm giving love at first sight such a bad rap. It's not that I don't think the idea is sweet, or that I don't love me some romantic movies. (My favorite love at first sight scene's gotta be this one from Romeo and Juliet.)
But it's wrong to think that if you don't have intense feelings right away, it could never be love. Some of the best and strongest relationships started out in totally unromantic ways.
More importantly, though, the halo effect can be dangerous. If you see someone hot and assume that what you feel is love, you'll overlook qualities in them that could end up hurting you. You might let them get away with abusive behavior because your heart has taken over your better judgment.
So What's the Answer?
Whether or not you want to believe in love at first sight is up to you. Just don't go out there expecting to find it and get upset when you don't.
And when you meet someone you instantly swoon over, be aware that there's a whole lot about them you haven't seen yet - including some stuff that might not be so deserving of your love.
10 Easy Flirt Tips
How to Flirt With a Girl or Guy
By Holly Ashworth, About.com Guide
Flirting's a language - and just like with any other language, no one's born a fluent flirt. If you want to know how to flirt like a pro, you've got to learn the signs. Follow these flirt tips and practice till you're an expert flirt.
1. Choose Your Targets
You don't have to have a crush on someone in order to flirt. Practice flirting with random people you see every day - people who might not even be on your dating radar - on order to hone your skills. That way, you'll have some flirting experience under your belt when you approach the people who really matter.2. Have an Opening Line
Find a reason to talk to the person. If you're in a class with them, come up with a question about an assignment. If they're standing in line behind you at a concert, ask about the band. Get creative, and be ready to respond to whatever they say.
3. Make Eye Contact
If you don't make eye contact, you'll look bored or uninterested, and that's not an impression you want to give. Too shy to look them right in the eyes? Here's a trick: look at the spot right between their eyes. It'll look like eye contact to them.4. Come Up With a Compliment
Pick one thing you like about the way they look - like their hair, their smile or an article of clothing. Let them know in a friendly way how much you like it. It'll make them feel good and will open them up to you. (If you can't think of an opening line for tip #2, a compliment will do.)5. Smile
You don't have to go all Bozo the Clown, but the idea is to look like you enjoy talking to them. So be sure to throw them a smile whenever it makes sense. If they shoot one back, you'll know that they like talking to you, too.6. Flirt With Your Body
The body language you use when you flirt is just as important as what you say. Use good posture, point your body towards the person and try to find excuses to touch them. For more on how to do that, check these body language flirting tips.7. Keep It Light
You'll get a way better response if you chat about fun, happy stuff (like your new puppy) than serious or sad stuff (like when your puppy got hit by a train). The point of flirting isn't to bare your soul or share your honest opinions about everything. It's to open the door to lots more conversations down the road.8. Beware of Awkward Silences
Once the convo drags, it's probably gone for good. Fill an awkward silence by asking the other person a question. Can't think of one? Ask them about something they're wearing or something in your environment (like a painting on the wall, or the music that's playing).9. Wrap It Up
If you're not interested in talking anymore, politely find an excuse to head off into the sunset. If you are interested, give them a way to get in touch with you - like your phone number or Facebook name. This is (hopefully) just your first convo of many, so save some of that charm for the next time.10. Practice, Practice, Practice
No one's perfect at flirting the first time around. If the idea of flirting still gives you butterflies, don't worry - it just means that you need more practice. The more you flirt, the easier it'll get.
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